Its not just a finished book, but a finished chapter in my life experience, also the start of something even bigger, something new again. With all other previous information of my documentary photography and painting implicit after this work, my work can only get stronger and I can assign more meaning to imagery, weather it be portraiture, social documentary, self portrait, painting... Finishing and getting to the end of this idea made me realise how deep you can go, how deep you have to go to get to the truth of your life experience, I feel there is no depth to how deep it really goes, but you have to be careful, you have to come back at the right times and say what is relevant or you will seem like a crazy mfkr and genuinely get lost in the chaotic nature of everything else going on, not only your life but in the world as a whole.
In the totality of this project its about realising we get lost, realising we are capable of very dark scary things and coming through the other side, the positive aspect of it, and overcoming those fears and confrontations which we want to hide from, which we say are not real because science can not prove it. (this is the illusion of objectivity) This project is looking myself in the eyes and asking myself what I really want to see in the world, what I know is possible and well now I know there is impossible things that can be made possible, the sky really is the limit and the only thing that will stop me expressing human experience subjectively is a project that looks at the other end of it.
I really did turn that negativity in my life around into positivity, with the help of the community, I must mention Louis Parsons the great mind who helped me direct some ideas, the person who gave up his life experience and time to help me out, he lost out on hundreds of pounds in painting time but gave something more important than anyone has ever done before, a whole insight into life, an understanding of the mind, in an artistic context, he gave away his whole path of success to me, he didn't hide anything. This really is important to me, knowing that I met him one day by confronting a fear of knocking on some random guys door to chat about art. Its important because this project confronted me every time I write about it, struggling to know what to say about myself or my mind, its important because I saw it through to the end, and on a personal level it fucking ripped me to pieces at every level, from people discrediting the work to my own disbelief. I now know why I really made the work and can actually use this to help people improve their lives too. starting with the people around me, my friends and family, eventually the world Im operating in WILL line up with good experiences just has it has done since, only this time I really understand the messages and metaphors of life and can add to the story telling of the human experience.
A self published book.